The 7 Stages of Grief: Making Sense of Loss and Healing

By Katharine De Santos, MA, RP, Founder and Clinical Director, Healthy Minds Psychotherapy

Published:  September 2026

This article is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional care. If you're in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 (Suicide Crisis Helpline) or call 911.

In this article:

• What are the 7 stages of grief?

• Where the stages of grief come from

• Newer ways of understanding grief

• How grief affects daily life

• 4 ways to support yourself through grief

• Grief counselling in Toronto and Ontario

• Frequently asked questions

Grief is one of the most personal experiences we go through, and it rarely follows a straight line. One day you may feel like you're coping, and the next, a song or a smell brings it all back. You might feel several emotions at once, or return to a feeling you thought you'd moved past.

Grief is a natural response to loss (Hamilton, 2016). Many people look to the stages of grief to make sense of what they're feeling. The stages can be a helpful starting point, as long as they're understood as a loose guide rather than a map you're supposed to follow. In this article, we'll look at the 7 stages of grief, where they come from, what research has learned since, and how to support yourself or find support along the way.

What Are the 7 Stages of Grief?

The 7 stages of grief are shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, testing and acceptance. This model is an expanded version of the five stages first described by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (1969). You may not experience all of these stages, and they often don't happen in order.

1. Shock

Shock often comes first, especially after a sudden loss. You may feel numb, disconnected or in disbelief, as if you're watching your life from the outside. This numbness can be the mind's way of protecting you from taking in too much at once.

2. Denial

It can be hard to fully accept that the loss is real. You might find yourself expecting a text from the person who died, or setting a place for them at the table. Denial often comes and goes as the reality of the loss sinks in gradually.

3. Anger

Anger may be directed at yourself, at others, at the person you lost or at the unfairness of it all. You may find yourself asking "why" over and over. Anger is a normal part of grief, even though it can feel uncomfortable or surprising.

4. Bargaining

Bargaining often shows up as "what if" or "if only" thoughts: If only I'd noticed sooner. What if I'd said something different? These thoughts can be a way of trying to regain some sense of control over something that felt out of your hands.

5. Depression

This stage involves deep sadness, withdrawal or loss of motivation. It's important to know that the sadness of grief is not the same as clinical depression. Deep sadness after a loss is a normal response. If your low mood feels constant, doesn't lift at all over time or comes with thoughts of not wanting to live, it's important to reach out for support.

6. Testing

Testing is when you begin to re-engage with life. You might try out new routines, reconnect with people or take small steps toward activities that once felt impossible. This stage often comes with ups and downs as you adjust.

7. Acceptance

Acceptance doesn't mean you're "over" the loss or that it no longer hurts. It means you've found a way to carry the loss and make room for life alongside it. Many people describe acceptance as integrating the loss and finding new meaning.

Where the Stages of Grief Come From

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross first described five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) in her 1969 book On Death and Dying, based on her work with people who were facing their own deaths (Kübler-Ross, 1969). Over time, the stages were applied to grief after a loss and expanded into versions with six, seven or more stages.

The model gave people an important language for talking about loss. However, research hasn't found that people move through grief in fixed stages. Researchers have found that common assumptions about grief, such as the idea that everyone must go through intense distress or "work through" a loss in a set way, aren't supported by the evidence (Wortman & Silver, 1989). Studies following people after the loss of a spouse have also found that emotions tend to rise and fall over time rather than moving through stages in order (Bisconti et al., 2004). A 2021 review found that stage models are still widely presented online as fact, even though the evidence doesn't support them as a fixed sequence (Avis et al., 2021).

That's why we use the stages as a guide, not a rule. If your grief doesn't look like the stages, nothing is wrong with you.

Newer Ways of Understanding Grief

Today, grief researchers and therapists often draw on models that describe how people grieve instead of prescribing what they should go through.

The dual process model. This model suggests that people naturally move back and forth between focusing on the loss itself, such as missing the person and feeling the pain, and focusing on rebuilding daily life, such as taking on new roles and routines (Stroebe & Schut, 1999). Moving between the two, and taking breaks from grief, is seen as healthy.

Continuing bonds. Rather than "letting go," many people keep a meaningful connection with the person they've lost through memories, rituals, conversations or carrying on their values (Klass et al., 1996). This connection can be a source of comfort, not a sign that you're stuck.

The integrated process model. A more recent model brings together perspectives from different health professions and describes grief as a process that unfolds differently for each person (Guldin & Leget, 2024).

Grief also looks different across cultures, faiths and families. Some communities grieve through specific rituals, gatherings or celebrations of life, and there is no single "right" way to mourn.

How Does Grief Affect Daily Life?

Grief touches nearly every part of life. It can affect your sleep, appetite, energy, concentration and relationships. It can also show up in the body as fatigue, tension or aches (to learn more about how emotions show up in the body, read our post on somatic therapy for anxiety). Everyday tasks that once felt routine can suddenly feel overwhelming, and that's a normal response to loss.

Grief can also reshape your sense of identity and how you see the world. And grief isn't only about death. People also grieve pregnancy loss, fertility challenges, the end of a relationship, a health diagnosis or major life changes. Some people experience anticipatory grief when they're caring for someone who is seriously ill. All of these losses are real and deserve care.

4 Ways to Support Yourself Through Grief

1. Name and Validate Your Emotions

Let yourself feel whatever comes up without judging it. There's no right or wrong way to grieve. Putting a name to what you feel, whether it's sadness, anger, guilt or even relief, can make it feel a little more manageable.

2. Create Meaning Through Storytelling

Writing, reflecting or sharing memories can help you process the loss and weave it into your ongoing life story. Some people find comfort in writing letters to the person they've lost, creating a memory box or marking anniversaries in a meaningful way.

3. Stay Connected

Grief can feel deeply isolating, but connection with others, even in small moments, can bring grounding and relief. Reach out to people who can listen without trying to fix things. Grief support groups can also help you feel less alone.

4. Give Yourself Time and Compassion

Healing doesn't follow a set timeline. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you move through grief at your own pace, and try to take care of the basics, like sleep, food and rest, as best you can.

Grief Counselling in Toronto and Ontario

You don't have to go through grief alone, and you don't need to wait until you feel stuck to reach out. Grief counselling offers a space to talk about your loss, make sense of complicated feelings and find your own way forward.

At Healthy Minds Psychotherapy, our Registered Psychotherapists offer grief counselling and support with loss in person at our Harbord Street office in Toronto and virtually across Ontario. Our therapists draw on approaches such as cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), narrative therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), which can help you explore your story, honour your loss and rebuild meaning in a way that feels true to you.  We also have an affordable therapy program with supervised student therapists who see clients at a lower fee, including sessions in Spanish and Hindi.

Your first session is simply a conversation about your loss and what you're going through. You can share as much or as little as you're ready to, and your therapist will move at your pace.

Book a Free 15-Minute Consultation

Frequently Asked Questions About Grief

Do the stages of grief happen in order?

No. Grief is usually non-linear and unique to each person. You may skip some stages, experience several at once or return to feelings you thought you'd moved past. Your grief may look different from that of the people closest to you, and that's okay.

How long does grief last?

There's no set timeline. For some people, grief softens within months. For others, it can resurface years later, especially around anniversaries, holidays or milestones. Grief often doesn't disappear. It changes over time, and many people find they learn to carry it differently.

Is it normal to feel stuck?

Yes. Feeling stuck is a common part of grief, and there may be long stretches where it feels like nothing is changing. That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. For some people, though, intense grief continues for a long time and makes daily life very hard. When this lasts for a year or more after a loss, it may be what clinicians call prolonged grief disorder (American Psychiatric Association, 2022). If your grief feels this heavy, talking to a therapist can help.

What's the difference between grief and depression?

Grief and depression can look similar, but they're not the same. In grief, painful feelings often come in waves and are tied to the loss, and moments of comfort or even laughter are still possible. Depression tends to involve a more constant low mood and a sense of emptiness that affects most areas of life. If you're not sure what you're experiencing, a therapist or your doctor can help.

When should I see a therapist for grief?

There's no wrong time. Many people reach out when grief is affecting their sleep, work or relationships, when they feel stuck, or when they simply want a space to talk. If you're having thoughts of suicide, call or text 9-8-8 right away.

Do you offer grief counselling online in Ontario?

Yes. We offer virtual grief counselling anywhere in Ontario, so you can get support from the comfort and privacy of your own home. To get started, book a free consultation on our website. We also support virtual grief counselling across British Columbia.

About the Author

Katharine De Santos, MA, RP, is a Registered Psychotherapist and the Founder and Clinical Director of Healthy Minds Psychotherapy. She has more than 25 years of clinical experience supporting people through trauma, anxiety, depression, grief, fertility challenges and major life transitions.

Her approach is trauma-informed and integrates somatic therapy with talk-based work. This means paying attention to how stress and difficult experiences show up in the body, which can give clients another way to understand what they're carrying and begin working with it. Katharine is also EMDR-trained.

Katharine holds a BA in Psychology from Western University and an MA in Counseling from The George Washington University, and has completed postgraduate training through Johns Hopkins University and The Global Mental Health: Trauma and Recovery Certificate Program through Harvard Medical School.

Learn more about Katharine and Our Team

Works Cited

American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787

Avis, K. A., Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (2021). Stages of grief portrayed on the internet: A systematic analysis and critical appraisal. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 772696. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.772696

Bisconti, T. L., Bergeman, C. S., & Boker, S. M. (2004). Emotional well-being in recently bereaved widows: A dynamical systems approach. The Journals of Gerontology Series B: Psychological Sciences and Social Sciences, 59(4), P158–P167.

Guldin, M.-B., & Leget, C. (2024). The integrated process model of loss and grief: An interprofessional understanding. Death Studies, 48(7), 738–752. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2023.2272960

Hamilton, I. J. (2016). Understanding grief and bereavement. British Journal of General Practice, 66(651), 523. https://doi.org/10.3399/bjgp16X687325

Klass, D., Silverman, P. R., & Nickman, S. L. (Eds.). (1996). Continuing bonds: New understandings of grief. Taylor & Francis.

Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. Macmillan.

Stroebe, M., & Schut, H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description. Death Studies, 23(3), 197–224. https://doi.org/10.1080/074811899201046

Wortman, C. B., & Silver, R. C. (1989). The myths of coping with loss. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 57(3), 349–357. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-006X.57.3.349