By: Maria Fernanda Moncaleano, BSc, Student Therapist (MEd Candidate, OISE, University of Toronto)
Under the clinical supervision of Katharine De Santos, MA, RP
Published: November, 2026
Disclaimer: The information in this article is for educational and informational purposes only. It does not constitute medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 9-8-8 (Suicide Crisis Helpline, available 24/7 across Canada), or call 911 or go to your nearest emergency department. Always consult a qualified health professional before making changes to your mental health care.
Have you ever felt like the people around you did not quite understand why something was so difficult to lose?
Maybe you moved to a new country and found yourself missing the life, people, or sense of familiarity you left behind. Maybe an injury changed what your body can do, or you lost a job that had become closely connected to your identity and sense of purpose. These are only a few examples of experiences that can involve meaningful loss, even though we may not immediately think of them as grief.
There may be no funeral, no condolences, and no clear moment when the people around you recognize that something important has changed. When grief is not fully acknowledged, validated, or supported by others, it may be described as disenfranchised grief, a term first introduced by grief researcher Kenneth Doka.
Sometimes, grief can exist even when there is no obvious way to mourn what was lost. Learning about disenfranchised grief can offer language for experiences that are often difficult to name. It can also create space to consider whether this way of understanding loss fits your own experience.
How Can Grief Become Disenfranchised?
Disenfranchised grief can show up differently for people, but some common ways it happens are:
Unrecognized relationships. Sometimes other people may not recognize how important a relationship was to us. For example, someone may grieve deeply after the death of an ex-partner, a close online friend, or someone they had a relationship with that others did not know about.
Unrecognized losses. For some losses, there can be an unspoken pressure to move forward before we feel ready. This may include miscarriage, stillbirth, infertility, the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, or deaths that carry stigma.
Unrecognized grievers. These are times when the person grieving is not seen as a griever because others assume they do not understand the loss or experience grief in the same way. This can happen, for example, with very young children, older adults living with dementia, or people with intellectual disabilities.
Stigmatized deaths or circumstances. Some losses can be very difficult to talk about because of shame, judgment, or stigma surrounding the circumstances. This may happen after a death by suicide, a death related to substance use, or other situations where people may feel uncomfortable seeking support or talking openly.
Unrecognized grieving reactions. Grief can look very different from person to person. Someone may cry often, while someone else may feel numb or irritable, stay constantly busy, or seem to carry on as usual. When grief does not look the way others expect, it can be overlooked, misunderstood, or even judged.
How Does a Lack of Recognition Affect the Grieving Process?
Disenfranchised grief is still grief. Different types of loss can bring different challenges, but the lack of acknowledgment itself can affect how a person expresses and moves through grief.
Emotional Impact
When our grief is not acknowledged by others, we may start to question whether we are “allowed” to feel as deeply as we do. We might keep our feelings to ourselves, avoid talking about the loss, or wonder whether our reactions are somehow too much.
This can make grief feel even lonelier. Alongside the pain of the loss itself, there may also be shame, self-doubt, or a sense that we have to carry the grief quietly and on our own.
Social Impact
When a loss is not fully recognized, people may also miss out on the kinds of support that often come with grieving. They may not be included in funerals or rituals, may not be given time away from work, or may have few chances to talk openly about what they have lost.
These moments of recognition matter. They give us space to remember, receive comfort, and feel supported by others. Without them, grief can feel more private and isolating.
Gentle Ways to Make Space for Unrecognized Grief
There is no single right way to respond to loss. The following practices are informed by mindfulness and grief research and may help you acknowledge and understand what has changed. Go at your own pace. If any of these bring up more than feels manageable, it is okay to stop, and that may be a sign that support could help.
Name What Was Lost
This mindfulness practice involves noticing what is present and then describing it in words. You might ask yourself: What feels different now? What do I miss? What mattered about what changed?
Naming what was lost can be a way of giving space to an experience that may not have been fully acknowledged.
Notice What Is Here Without Judging It
When grief is not recognized by others, it can be easy to add judgments to what you are already feeling. Try noticing what is present without labelling it as good, bad, right, or wrong. Instead of “I shouldn’t still feel sad,” you might simply notice, “I feel sadness when I think about what changed.”
The goal is not to decide whether your reaction is justified, but to make space for it as it is.
Give the Experience Somewhere to Go
Writing can offer a space to explore a loss that may not have been fully acknowledged elsewhere. You might try prompts like these:
What has been hardest for other people to understand?
What does this loss mean to me?
What do I want to remember?
What have I learned about what matters to me?
You can write as much or as little as you like, and you never need to share it.
When Grief Feels Stuck
Grief does not follow a set timeline, and it is normal for it to come and go in waves. Sometimes, though, grief can feel stuck. It may keep intensifying over many months, make it hard to function at work or at home, or leave you feeling disconnected from the people and things that used to matter. If that sounds familiar, talking with a mental health professional may help.
Grief Therapy in Toronto, Ontario and British Columbia
Experiencing grief does not necessarily mean you need therapy. Professional support may be helpful when a loss feels difficult to carry alone, starts to affect daily life, or you simply want a space to better understand what you are going through. You do not have to wait until things feel overwhelming to reach out.
At Healthy Minds Psychotherapy, we offer research-informed, person-centred psychotherapy in person at our Toronto office and virtually across Ontario and British Columbia. Therapy can offer a space to explore what has changed, what the loss has meant to you, and the emotions or expectations that may have come with it.
In the first session, we will talk about what brought you to therapy, explore the parts of your life and experiences that may be shaping what you are going through, and begin to understand what feels most meaningful to you. From there, we can work together to decide what kind of support may be most helpful.
Ready to talk? Book a free consultation with Healthy Minds Psychotherapy to find a therapist who fits your needs, in person in Toronto or online anywhere in Ontario or British Columbia.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is disenfranchised grief a diagnosis?
No. Disenfranchised grief is not a mental health diagnosis. It describes grief that is not openly acknowledged or supported by others, whether because of the type of loss, the relationship, or the way someone grieves.
Can you grieve something that isn’t a death?
Yes. People can grieve many kinds of loss, including a relationship, a pregnancy, a job, their health, a home, or a country. These losses can be just as painful, even when others do not see them as grief.
What is the difference between disenfranchised grief and ambiguous loss?
Ambiguous loss happens when a loss is unclear or unresolved, such as when a loved one is physically present but psychologically changed. Disenfranchised grief is about whether a loss is recognized by others. The two can overlap.
Do you offer online grief therapy?
Yes. Healthy Minds Psychotherapy offers virtual therapy across Ontario and British Columbia, as well as in-person sessions at our Toronto office.
If you are in crisis, call or text 9-8-8 at any time, or call 911.
References
Aloi, J. A. (2011). A theoretical study of the hidden wounds of war: Disenfranchised grief and the impact on nursing practice. ISRN Nursing, 2011, 1–5. https://doi.org/10.5402/2011/954081
Cesur-Soysal, G., & Arı, E. (2022). How we disenfranchise grief for self and other: An empirical study. OMEGA – Journal of Death and Dying, 89(2), 530–549. https://doi.org/10.1177/00302228221075203
D’Antoni, F., Mattiussi, F., & Crescentini, C. (2026). Mindfulness-based interventions for bereavement: A systematized narrative review. Healthcare, 14(5), 673. https://doi.org/10.3390/healthcare14050673
Doka, K. J. (Ed.). (1989). Disenfranchised grief: Recognizing hidden sorrow. Lexington Books.
Doka, K. J. (Ed.). (2002). Disenfranchised grief: New directions, challenges, and strategies for practice. Research Press.
Lichtenthal, W. G., & Cruess, D. G. (2010). Effects of directed written disclosure on grief and distress symptoms among bereaved individuals. Death Studies, 34(6), 475–499. https://doi.org/10.1080/07481187.2010.483332
Linehan, M. M. (2014). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.