Grief Doesn't Follow a Timeline: What Healing Can Look Like
By Ekta Maloo, Student Therapist, under the clinical supervision of Katharine De Santos, MA, RP
Clinically reviewed by Katharine De Santos, MA, RP, Clinical Director, Healthy Minds Psychotherapy
Disclaimer: The information in this article is for educational and informational purposes only. It does not constitute medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please contact your local crisis line or emergency services. In Canada, you can call or text 9-8-8 at any time. Always consult a qualified health professional before making changes to your mental health care.
Grief and loss are some of the most difficult experiences we go through as people. Yet many of us think about grief as something that should follow a timeline. You may have heard phrases like "it gets better with time" or "time heals." These are usually said with good intentions, but they don't always match what grief feels like on the inside.
What if you are not stuck in your grief, but simply grieving at your own pace? Maybe you feel like others expect you to move on and you're just not ready. Maybe you wish someone could sit with the weight of what you're feeling, instead of trying to fix it or make it go away too quickly.
In this article you will learn what grief can look like, why there is no set timeline for it, a few gentle ways to cope, and how grief counselling can help.
What Does Grief Look Like?
When we think of grief, we often think of death. But grief can follow many kinds of loss, including:
The death of someone you love, including a family member, friend or pet
The end of a relationship, such as a breakup, divorce or estrangement
Changes in health, whether your own or someone close to you
The loss of a job or career path
Major life transitions, like moving away from home, retirement or becoming a caregiver
Grief can bring a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, shock, fear and loneliness. It can also show up in the body as fatigue, trouble sleeping, aches or changes in appetite (CAMH, n.d.).
Grief looks different from person to person. Some people show more emotion than others. Some want to talk about their loss, while others prefer quiet and solitude. Some avoid reminders of the person, such as places, activities or belongings connected to them. Others find comfort in revisiting memories and keeping a sense of connection.
Grief can also take the form of self-blame, or judging our own reactions as too much or not enough. We might wonder why we are still hurting, why we don't feel more, or compare our grief with someone else's. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You may also find it helpful to read our article on the 7 stages of grief, which explains why grief rarely moves in a straight line.
How Long Does Grief Last?
There is no fixed timeline for grief. Some people begin to feel steadier within weeks, while others need years, and both are normal (CAMH, n.d.). Research with people who have experienced a traumatic loss describes healing as a gradual process that happens over time rather than on a schedule (Asgari & Naghavi, 2026).
Grief also tends to come in waves. A song, a date on the calendar or an ordinary moment can bring a sudden wave of intense feelings, along with a fresh sense of what the loss means to you. These waves can still happen years later. They don't mean you are moving backwards.
Over time, many people find that the intensity of grief changes. The loss doesn't disappear, but life slowly grows around it.
4 Gentle Ways to Cope With Grief
There is no single right way to cope, but these approaches may help:
Allow yourself to feel your emotions. Grief is a natural response to loss. Noticing and naming what you feel, without judging it, can make it a little easier to carry.
Keep small routines. Simple things like preparing a meal, going for a short walk or answering a message can offer some stability when everything else feels uncertain.
Reach out to someone you trust. Spending time with a friend, family member or community member can ease some of the loneliness that loss brings.
Find meaningful ways to honour your loss. This might be a tradition or ritual, or doing something the person you lost would have appreciated.
When Grief May Need More Support
Grief is not something that needs to be fixed. Still, sometimes it becomes very hard to manage on your own. It may be helpful to speak with a mental health professional if:
Your grief feels like it is getting heavier over time rather than shifting
It is hard to manage daily responsibilities like work, school or caring for yourself
You feel intense guilt, hopelessness or worthlessness
You are avoiding nearly everything that reminds you of the loss
You are relying on alcohol or other substances to cope
These are signs that extra support could help, not signs that you are grieving the wrong way (CAMH, n.d.). If you are having thoughts of suicide or of harming yourself, please reach out right away. You can call or text 9-8-8 at any time, or call 911 or go to your nearest emergency department.
How Can Grief Counselling Help?
Healing looks different for different people. In therapy, we can explore what healing means to you. Grief is not a problem to be solved, and healing is not about forgetting the person you lost. It is about finding a way to carry that relationship with you as you move forward in your life.
Grief counselling can offer:
A space to talk without being rushed. You can share the hard parts, the conflicted parts and the memories you hold onto.
Help with thoughts that keep you stuck. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help you look at patterns that sometimes follow a loss, such as self-blame, guilt, harsh thoughts about the future, or avoiding reminders in ways that make it harder to come to terms with what happened.
Support with relationships and connection. Loss can change how we relate to others. Therapy can help you work through difficult emotions and strains in your relationships, and think about where support might come from.
Research supports this kind of work. In a study of older adults with prolonged grief, people who became less avoidant of reminders of their loss, and less caught up in negative grief-related thoughts, tended to improve more in treatment (Lechner-Meichsner et al., 2022).
At Healthy Minds Psychotherapy, our clinicians draw on approaches including CBT and trauma-informed care, and we tailor therapy to what feels right for you.
The Role of Spirituality and Culture in Grief
Spirituality is an important part of grief for many people, and it is sometimes overlooked in therapy. Spiritual beliefs, rituals and community practices are central to how many cultures understand death and mourning, and they can be a meaningful source of comfort, connection and resilience (Sangster et al., 2025).
For some people, faith offers a sense of meaning or hope after a loss. For others, a loss can shake beliefs they once held, and that can become part of the grief too. Both experiences are valid.
In culturally responsive grief work, your beliefs, traditions and ways of mourning are welcome in the room. Your therapist follows your lead and works within what matters to you, rather than bringing in their own views.
Grief Counselling in Toronto, Ontario and British Columbia
Loss can feel incredibly lonely, but you don't have to carry it alone. At Healthy Minds Psychotherapy, we offer compassionate grief counselling for people navigating loss, life transitions and trauma.
We offer in-person sessions at our Toronto office at 151 Harbord Street, and online therapy across Ontario and British Columbia.
If you're ready to talk with someone, you can book a consultation through our website.
Frequently Asked Questions About Grief
Is it normal to experience grief in waves?
Yes. Grief often comes in waves, with calmer periods followed by renewed sadness or longing, sometimes triggered by an anniversary, a place or a small everyday reminder. This does not mean you are moving backwards.
How long does grief last?
There is no fixed timeline for grief. Its intensity often changes over time, and reminders of a loss can bring up strong emotions even years later. Some people feel steadier within weeks, while others need much longer.
Can you grieve something other than a death?
Yes. People can grieve the end of a relationship, a change in health, a job, a home or a major life transition. These losses are real and deserve care and attention too.
Is it normal to feel numb, or even relieved, after a loss?
Yes. Grief does not always look like sadness. Some people feel numb or disconnected at first, and some feel relief, especially after a long illness or a complicated relationship. Mixed feelings are a common part of grief.
When should I talk to someone about my grief?
You don't need to wait until things feel unmanageable. Many people seek grief counselling simply because they want a space to talk. It may be especially helpful if your grief is getting heavier over time or making daily life hard to manage. If you are in crisis, call or text 9-8-8.
Do you offer grief counselling online?
Yes. Healthy Minds Psychotherapy offers online therapy across Ontario and British Columbia, as well as in-person sessions at our Toronto office.
About the Author
Ekta Maloo is a Student Therapist at Healthy Minds Psychotherapy and a Master of Education (MEd) student at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education (OISE), University of Toronto. She provides therapy under the clinical supervision of Katharine De Santos, MA, RP, Registered Psychotherapist and Clinical Director of Healthy Minds Psychotherapy. She supports clients with grief and loss, anxiety, depression, trauma, self-esteem, relationship issues, life transitions, and the family and cultural pressures that can shape how we see ourselves. Ekta offers sessions in English and Hindi. Learn more about Ekta.
References
Asgari, Z., & Naghavi, A. (2026). Moving forward: A close look at healing process after traumatic parental death. OMEGA - Journal of Death and Dying, 93(2), 969-981. https://doi.org/10.1177/00302228241250242
Centre for Addiction and Mental Health. (n.d.). Coping with loss and grief. https://www.camh.ca/en/camh-news-and-stories/coping-with-loss-and-grief
Lechner-Meichsner, F., Mauro, C., Skritskaya, N. A., & Shear, M. K. (2022). Change in avoidance and negative grief-related cognitions mediates treatment outcome in older adults with prolonged grief disorder. Psychotherapy Research, 32(1), 91-103. https://doi.org/10.1080/10503307.2021.1909769
Sangster, S. A., Thomas-Bernard, W., Brush, P. H., Hodges, D., & Brown, C. (2025). Culturally responsive training: Exploring grief, loss, and spirituality. Journal of Religion & Spirituality in Social Work: Social Thought, 44(3), 301-320. https://doi.org/10.1080/15426432.2025.2520532